Letters to God from Kids

Dear God:

I didn’t think orange went with purple until I saw the sunset you made on Tuesday. That was cool! -- Eugene
Did you mean for the giraffe to look like that or was it an accident?--- Norma
Instead of letting people die and having to make new ones, why don’t you just keep the ones you have now? -- Jane
Who draws the lines around the countries? -- Nancy
I went to this wedding and they kissed right in church. Is that okay? --Neil
Thank you for my baby brother, but what I prayed for was a puppy. -- Joyce
It rained for our whole vacation and is my father mad! He said some things about you that people are not supposed to say, but I hope you will not hurt him anyway. -- Your friend (but I am not going to tell you who I am).
Please send me a pony. I never asked for anything before. You can look it up. -- Bruce
If we come back as something, please don’t let me be Jennifer Horton because I hate her. -- Denise
I want to be just like my daddy when I get big, but not with so much hair all over. -- Sam
I think about you sometimes, even when I’m not praying. -- Elliott
I bet it is very hard for you to love all the people in the world. There are only four people in our family and I can never do it. -- Nan
Of all the people who worked for you, I like Noah and David the best. --Rob
My brothers told me about being born, but it doesn’t sound right. They are just kidding, aren’t they? -- Marsha
If you watch me in church Sunday, I’ll show you my new shoes. -- Mickey
We read Thomas Edison made light. But in Sunday school, we learned that you did it. So I bet he stole your idea. -- Sincerely, Donna
I do not think anybody could be a better God. Well, I just want you to know that I am not just saying this because you are God already. -- Charles
Maybe Cain and Abel would not kill each other so much if they had their own rooms. It works with my brother. -- Eddie

From The Mind of Steven Wright

Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy.
Give a man a free hand and he’ll run it all over you.
Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder ...
Dancing is a perpendicular expression of a horizontal desire.
Everyone has a photographic memory. Some don’t have film.
Laughing stock: cattle with a sense of humor.
Why do they sterilize needles for lethal injections?
Do they have reserved parking for non-handicapped people at the Special Olympics?
Is it true that cannibals don’t eat clowns because they taste funny?
When a man talks dirty to a woman, its sexual harassment. When a woman talks dirty to a man, it’s $3.95 per minute.

More Sayings

What do you call a boomerang that doesn’t work? A stick.
What is a zebra? 26 sizes larger than an “A” bra.
How do you get holy water? Boil the hell out of it.
What do prisoners use to call each other? Cell phones.
What do you call four bull fighters in quicksand? Quatro sinko.
What do you get when you cross an elephant and a skin doctor? A pachydermatologist
What has four legs, is big, green, fuzzy, and if it fell out of a tree would kill you? A pool table.


Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids all over the world, I can’t help but cry. I mean I’d love to be skinny like that, but not with all those flies and death and stuff.”
--Mariah Carey

WARNING: the consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe that ex-lovers are really dying for you to telephone them at 4:00 AM.