So ... a man walks into a Glasgow library and says to the prim, bespectacled librarian "Ah ‘cuse me ma’am, do you have any books on suicide?"
To which she stops doing her tasks, looks at him over the top of her glasses and says, "Fook off, ye'll no bring it back!"
Friday, March 13, 2009
Monday, March 9, 2009
Dear Employee
Due to the current financial situation caused by the slowdown in the economy, Management has decided to implement a scheme to put workers of 50 years of age and above on early retirement.
This scheme will be known as RAPE (Retire Aged People Early).
Persons selected to be RAPED can apply to management to be considered for the SHAFT scheme (Special Help After Forced Termination).
Persons who have been RAPED and SHAFTED will be reviewed under the SCREW programme (Scheme Covering Retired-Early Workers).
A person may be RAPED once, SHAFTED twice and SCREWED as many times as Management deems appropriate.
Persons who have been RAPED could get AIDS (Additional Income for Dependants & Spouse) or HERPES (Half Earnings for Retired Personnel Early Severance).
Obviously persons who have AIDS or HERPES will not be SHAFTED or SCREWED any further by Management.
Persons who are not RAPED and are staying on will receive as much SHIT(Special High Intensity Training) as possible. Management has always prided itself on the amount of SHIT it gives employees.
Should you feel that you do not receive enough SHIT, please bring this to the attention of your Supervisor, who has been trained to give you all the SHIT you can handle.
Sincerely,
Management
PS
Due to recent budget cuts and the rising cost of electricity, gas and oil,as well as current market conditions, the Light at the End of the TPray That You Don't Get this Letter at Work...
Dear Employees,
Due to the current financial situation caused by the slowdown in the economy, Management has decided to implement a scheme to put workers of 50 years of age and above on early retirement.
This scheme will be known as RAPE (Retire Aged People Early).
Persons selected to be RAPED can apply to management to be considered for the SHAFT scheme (Special Help After Forced Termination).
Persons who have been RAPED and SHAFTED will be reviewed under the SCREW programme (Scheme Covering Retired-Early Workers).
A person may be RAPED once, SHAFTED twice and SCREWED as many times as Management deems appropriate.
Persons who have been RAPED could get AIDS (Additional Income for Dependants & Spouse) or HERPES (Half Earnings for Retired Personnel Early Severance).
Obviously persons who have AIDS or HERPES will not be SHAFTED or SCREWED any further by Management.
Persons who are not RAPED and are staying on will receive as much SHIT(Special High Intensity Training) as possible. Management has always prided itself on the amount of SHIT it gives employees.
Should you feel that you do not receive enough SHIT, please bring this to the attention of your Supervisor, who has been trained to give you all the SHIT you can handle.
Sincerely,
Management
PS
Due to recent budget cuts and the rising cost of electricity, gas and oil,as well as current market conditions, the Light at the End of the Tunnel has been turned off.
We apologize for the inconvenience
_________________________________
WARNING: Contains Language that may offend people who have never worked for Joel Klein, Esq.'s New York City Dept of Education, a 19 Billion dollar conglomerate that has treated NYC teachers, its own employees, so obscenely for so long that mere four letter words are the least of their problems.unnel has been turned off.
We apologize for the inconvenience
_________________________________
WARNING: Contains Language that may offend people who have never worked for Joel Klein, Esq.'s New York City Dept of Education, a 19 Billion dollar conglomerate that has treated NYC teachers, its own employees, so obscenely for so long that mere four letter words are the least of their problems.
This scheme will be known as RAPE (Retire Aged People Early).
Persons selected to be RAPED can apply to management to be considered for the SHAFT scheme (Special Help After Forced Termination).
Persons who have been RAPED and SHAFTED will be reviewed under the SCREW programme (Scheme Covering Retired-Early Workers).
A person may be RAPED once, SHAFTED twice and SCREWED as many times as Management deems appropriate.
Persons who have been RAPED could get AIDS (Additional Income for Dependants & Spouse) or HERPES (Half Earnings for Retired Personnel Early Severance).
Obviously persons who have AIDS or HERPES will not be SHAFTED or SCREWED any further by Management.
Persons who are not RAPED and are staying on will receive as much SHIT(Special High Intensity Training) as possible. Management has always prided itself on the amount of SHIT it gives employees.
Should you feel that you do not receive enough SHIT, please bring this to the attention of your Supervisor, who has been trained to give you all the SHIT you can handle.
Sincerely,
Management
PS
Due to recent budget cuts and the rising cost of electricity, gas and oil,as well as current market conditions, the Light at the End of the TPray That You Don't Get this Letter at Work...
Dear Employees,
Due to the current financial situation caused by the slowdown in the economy, Management has decided to implement a scheme to put workers of 50 years of age and above on early retirement.
This scheme will be known as RAPE (Retire Aged People Early).
Persons selected to be RAPED can apply to management to be considered for the SHAFT scheme (Special Help After Forced Termination).
Persons who have been RAPED and SHAFTED will be reviewed under the SCREW programme (Scheme Covering Retired-Early Workers).
A person may be RAPED once, SHAFTED twice and SCREWED as many times as Management deems appropriate.
Persons who have been RAPED could get AIDS (Additional Income for Dependants & Spouse) or HERPES (Half Earnings for Retired Personnel Early Severance).
Obviously persons who have AIDS or HERPES will not be SHAFTED or SCREWED any further by Management.
Persons who are not RAPED and are staying on will receive as much SHIT(Special High Intensity Training) as possible. Management has always prided itself on the amount of SHIT it gives employees.
Should you feel that you do not receive enough SHIT, please bring this to the attention of your Supervisor, who has been trained to give you all the SHIT you can handle.
Sincerely,
Management
PS
Due to recent budget cuts and the rising cost of electricity, gas and oil,as well as current market conditions, the Light at the End of the Tunnel has been turned off.
We apologize for the inconvenience
_________________________________
WARNING: Contains Language that may offend people who have never worked for Joel Klein, Esq.'s New York City Dept of Education, a 19 Billion dollar conglomerate that has treated NYC teachers, its own employees, so obscenely for so long that mere four letter words are the least of their problems.unnel has been turned off.
We apologize for the inconvenience
_________________________________
WARNING: Contains Language that may offend people who have never worked for Joel Klein, Esq.'s New York City Dept of Education, a 19 Billion dollar conglomerate that has treated NYC teachers, its own employees, so obscenely for so long that mere four letter words are the least of their problems.
Friday, March 6, 2009
Home Depot Scam...
A 'heads up' for those men who may be regular Home Depot customers. This one caught me by surprise.
Over the last month I became a victim of a clever scam while out shopping.
Simply going out to get supplies has turned out to be quite traumatic
Don't be naive enough to think it couldn't happen to you or your friends.
Here's how the scam works:
Two seriously good-looking 20-21 year-old girls come over to your car as you
are packing your shopping into the trunk. They both start wiping your
windshield with a rag and Windex, with their breasts almost falling out of
their skimpy T-shirts. It is impossible not to look...
When you thank them and offer them a tip, they say 'NO' and instead ask you
for a ride to McDonalds.
You agree and they get into the back seat. On the way, they start
undressing. Then one of them climbs over into the front seat and starts
crawling all over you, while the other one steals your wallet.
I had my wallet stolen October 4th, 9th, 10th, twice on the 15th, 17th,
20th, 24th & 29th. Also November 1st & 4th, Twice on the 8th, 16th, 23rd,
26th & 30th, three times last Monday and very likely again this upcoming
weekend.
So tell your friends to be careful!
P:S: ~~Walmart has wallets on sale for $2.99 each,~~I found cheaper ones for
$1.99 at K-Mart and bought them out.
Also, you never will get to eat at McDonalds.
I've already lost 11 pounds just running back and forth to Home Depot
Over the last month I became a victim of a clever scam while out shopping.
Simply going out to get supplies has turned out to be quite traumatic
Don't be naive enough to think it couldn't happen to you or your friends.
Here's how the scam works:
Two seriously good-looking 20-21 year-old girls come over to your car as you
are packing your shopping into the trunk. They both start wiping your
windshield with a rag and Windex, with their breasts almost falling out of
their skimpy T-shirts. It is impossible not to look...
When you thank them and offer them a tip, they say 'NO' and instead ask you
for a ride to McDonalds.
You agree and they get into the back seat. On the way, they start
undressing. Then one of them climbs over into the front seat and starts
crawling all over you, while the other one steals your wallet.
I had my wallet stolen October 4th, 9th, 10th, twice on the 15th, 17th,
20th, 24th & 29th. Also November 1st & 4th, Twice on the 8th, 16th, 23rd,
26th & 30th, three times last Monday and very likely again this upcoming
weekend.
So tell your friends to be careful!
P:S: ~~Walmart has wallets on sale for $2.99 each,~~I found cheaper ones for
$1.99 at K-Mart and bought them out.
Also, you never will get to eat at McDonalds.
I've already lost 11 pounds just running back and forth to Home Depot
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